A friend of mine asked me to what ‘gay assimilationism’ means, and that’s the most accurate definition I could come up with.
You might also recognize it as the “we’re just like you” doctrine promoted by groups like the Human Rights Campaign and people like Dan Savage.
Gay assimilationists (and they are gay assimilationists, non-monosexuals and trans* folk aren’t invited) argue that
queergay people should conform to the standards of straight society in appearance, action and aspiration.
They wish to portray the gay community as uniformly heteronormaitve in everything but their sexuality, as well as exclusively white and middle class.
this is precisely my problem with the mainstream queer rights movement and everyone who subscribes to it
girls have to [thing that happens to people with vaginas] but all boys have to do it [thing that happens to people with penises], also, what are “nonbinary” people sounds? sounds like some sjw shit lol
Eli Clare, “Stolen Bodies, Reclaimed Bodies” (via genderqueer)
Trauma is always embodied. Oppression is traumatic. Therefore oppression is embodied.
I’ve gotten into actual fights with feminists irl about how feminism is not about equality and they look at me with a blank stare like I said something blasphemous but like who are you trying to be equal to?? The white man?? Which is considered top of the western patriarchal imperialist white supremacist tier like if your movement is solely dedicated to just catching up to that false hierarchy instead of completely dismantling it then what you’re doing is useless
This is why I never fully identified with the first and second wave feminists because they weren’t fighting for all of us their goal was to be equal to white men. Susan b Anthony said she would cut off her arm before black ppl got the right to vote Betty Friedan was a racist homophobic piece of trash Gloria Steinem said a lot of transphobic things like these women fought for themselves and people like themselves so they can EQUALLY share status
That’s why the word equality in regards to feminism disgusts me
literally, that’s the difference. “the tumblr trans community” is just trans people who use tumblr. shockingly, we tend to be less tolerant of bullshit when speaking up about it doesn’t carry immediate safety risks, ie, when we’re online and in a trans-friendly space
so don’t tell me about how “but all the trans people i know offline are so niiiiiiiice about transphobia”. i can be that Nice Trans Friend offline too but it doesn’t mean that’s my natural state of being, it means i’m fucking scared of you
- is sexist
- is heteronormative
- commodifies sex
- commodifies young cis-het white women
- contributes to rape culture
- contributes to slut-shaming
- erases queer folk
- erases transfolk
- frames a woman’s worth as inversely proportional to the number of dicks that have been inside her
can i just reiterate for absolute clarity, IT HAS NO PHYSICAL OR SCIENTIFIC BASIS. virginity is exclusively a social construct. there is not even a minute difference between a person’s body before and after any form of sexual intercourse. if the hymen was damaged during penetration of a vagina, it heals within days and returns to its former state of partially or mostly covering the vaginal orifice in order to protect the delicate inner balance of the vagina. both the hymen and the rectum become more flexible after several sessions of penetration with appropriate foreplay (please don’t skip that part or they’ll only tear, heal and scar), but that’s not a single cherry-popping moment, that’s exercising the tissue over time.
so when people say “virginity is a social construct”, what they mean is that you are literally making up a physical event that does not happen in order to perpetuate a misogynist, racist*, transphobic and utterly disgusting narrative. which you fucking shouldn’t.
*”how is virginity racist?” did you know that a lot of writers throughout history have suggested that women of colour cannot physically be virgins because virginity is believed to be a state of purity and people of colour can’t be “pure”. also, many native cultures had no concept of virginity, believing sexual play among children is healthy, and they had their cultural practices attacked and their children taken away for this belief. this is one of the core issues that lead to the stolen generation in australia, because white invaders believed that allowing children to explore sex and sexuality makes them ineligible for marriage and “proper” christianity, so aboriginal children were taken from their families and culture, and still were awarded a lower social status than white children. these are only two examples of extremely recent practices wherein white supremacy has wielded the idea of virginity as a weapon of racism, not just to oppress people of colour but to try and utterly destroy their cultural practices and heritage.
A thing I keep noticing: cis lesbians deflecting talk about transmisogyny in their community, whether the people talking about it are trans women or other cis lesbians, with “but I don’t like penis”.
It reduces trans women to our genitals, and to specific assumptions about their shape, and how we relate to them.
It reduces intra-community conflict between trans and cis lesbians to trans women saying “they won’t fuck us”, which is an inaccurate description even of trans women talking about societywide devaluing of and expression of disgust at our bodies (which cis lesbians participate in), and erases actual grievances over transmisogyny, allows cis lesbians to exclude themselves from discussion of transmisogyny by dating/sleeping with trans women, and closes off any talk of abuse of trans women by cis women partners (for example) as more than an individual issue.
Ultimately, what this derail does, is it replaces any trans woman talking about intra-community issues (or about her exclusion, or reasons for taking a separatist approach), or a symbolic/hypothetical trans woman a cis ally speaks on behalf of, with a sexualized caricature whining about not getting laid.
Now, can we please once and for all acknowledge that TERFs (trans* exclusionary radical feminists) are violent with criminal intent, purposefully harming trans* people either through rhetoric, or, like in this case above, direct, material harm? One of the arguments we hear from TERFs is that they are not violent, they merely “disagree” with trans* people’s existence. As this case exemplifies, this is not the case, Cathy Brennan, aka Bug Brennan on Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, etc, invented lies to have a trans* girl’s access to school facilities removed. She went as far as associating with an anti gay hate group to achieve this.
Next time a TERF demands proof that they are violent (something they are keen on doing when confronted with their awfulness and hatred), just send them this link. Cathy Brennan, one of their loudest representatives will go as far as harassing teens in their school. If that is not a hate crime, I don’t know what it is.
Nope nope nope nope nope
Fuck Cathy Brennan. (via harrrymonster)
I know that you will not assume that I have good intentions, that, in any conflict with me, no matter what tone I take, at least a part of you will view me as aggressive, as uncaring.
I need you to know that saying that you see me as a woman is not enough, because it isn’t the only truth. You also see me as a trans woman.
I need you to not ask yourself, “am I a transmisogynist?”. It is the wrong question.
The right question is: “How does transmisogyny effect how I interact with trans women?”. This is an uncomfortable question to ask yourself, because it assumes an a priori transmisogyny on your part. This is an accurate assumption.
I need you to acknowledge the ways in which transmisogyny shapes our friendship.
I need you to know that when I share grievances with you, or critique you, for saying or doing something that I feel hurts trans women in general or hurts me as a person, I am not saying that you are a transmisogynist. I am not saying that I think you are a bad person, or are acting maliciously. I am saying that I care about you, that I consider you a friend, and *that* is why you have the capacity to hurt me: because I let you in.
I saw at least one person reblog and tag this with something like “I’m not a trans woman, I’m [a trans guy / a genderqueer faab person / something else], but I still feel this”.
This is not a post where I said “coming out to my parents was weird”; this was not a post where I said “changing my legal documentation is such a hassle”; this was a post where I talked specifically about the experience of being a trans woman, of being a person who experiences transmisogyny. Transmisogny means, in part, being degendered with the most negative aspects of maleness / male privilege / masculinity / etc. being the weapons people degender you with, while they simultaneously, via misogyny, associate you almost only with negative female / womanly traits.
If you are not a person who experiences transmisogyny, and you say “yeah this is about me too”, it actually is! But only in the sense that it is now addressed to you, and you need to understand that taking a trans woman’s description of transmisogyny and saying “this isn’t for/about trans women, it is for/about me” is actually a transmisogynist act of erasure.
A trans woman journalist got mocked, deliberately misgendered, and humiliated on stage at a video game convention today by a comedian hired by a major software company. Some of you may already have heard of it. A major geek news site ran a story about it (made almost entirely of captures of her tweets) and ended up sending tons and tons of twitter trolls her way who are being absolutely disgustingly vicious (and the comments on the news story were disgusting as well). The reason I’m not talking more about it is because she doesn’t want more publicity which would inadvertently send more hate her way (also why I’m not linking it.) I’m writing this just for those that might want to post about it, to be careful what you write, not to link the article, and to be thoughtful about linking her twitter account or screencaps of her twitter account. And in general, when stuff like this happens, please ask the person first if they want you to spread their tweets about what happened, or details about the incident, etc in a public blog post, or etc. Especially if you have a big platform, please be careful, because even if you mean well, and you’re supportive, a lot of the people reading it may not be, and they may go to harass and attack the victim even more. :\
If you do know about this, I encourage you to send her support, and to email the company and convention responsible with your displeasure.
Also, just as a reminder: trans women are women, and transmisogyny is a form of misogyny. Geek feminists who care about harassment of women at conventions should care about this too, because it is also harassment of women, and policing who can and can’t be in geek spaces.
Edit: She is getting phone harassment now as well as online, and people are trying to uncover her past identity to hurt her. The news site has refused to take down the article despite her asking them to (though they have edited out the Twitter screencaps, but have kept her name and a transcription of her tweets, and left the comments section which has her information & pictures of her). So please please please do not link any articles you see about her if you write or tweet about this.
It’s pretty sad and gross that so many people are still judgmental jerks towards others that they do not even know. Don’t worry! There are a lot of resources for you to educate yourself. Here is a brief rundown of some simple things to remember:
1. Gender is fluid. That means that it can, and does change. It can seem like a slow change or a sudden change- or maybe it won’t change at all. It’s one of life’s mysteries! It is none of your business if someone’s gender suddenly shifts. Use the correct pronouns and move on.
2. Gender does not mean conforming to stereotypes. A male or androgynous person can wear dresses or like cute things, and they are still male or androgynous. Someone who identifies as female does not have to like dresses or cute things, and she is still female. Accept their preferences and interests and get over it.
3. If someone you know does not seem to fit into the norm for trans* people, it can be confusing or frustrating. If you think that your friend or acquaintance is just confused and not really the gender they identify as, if you think that they are just going through a phase, or if you believe that they only want attention, follow these simple steps to handle the situation:
- Realize it is none of your business
- Do not talk about how “obviously” fake their identity is
- Use the correct pronouns and let them be happy with their life.
4. If someone you know seems to be confused with their gender, that’s okay. Not everyone can leap out of bed and declare themselves one gender or another and be sure of it. A changing gender and identity can be confusing, and it is perfectly okay to be unsure, to question oneself, and to go back and forth.
5. If a person does not appear to be the gender they identify as, that is also okay. An androgynous person might have a large chest or a large bulge. They are still androgynous, not a he or a she. Please respect them and use their preferred pronoun, not whatever pronoun you assume will work. Gender is not based on appearance, and you should not make assumptions on a person’s gender because of the way that they look.
6. Finally, please remember that no one’s gender is your business but your own. Do not push yourself into someone else’s space to tell them why they are wrong to identify as the gender that they do. Identity is a very personal thing, and you are not “solving” or “fixing” the other person by refusing to use their pronouns and insisting on disrespecting them.
I think that covers the basics! Now that you have a basic understanding, please get on with your life and be a little bit more respectful to people.
cis people who hate the word ‘cis’ are trying to maintain a state of affairs where we as trans people are linguistically incapable of talking about them.
hey cis ladies! when dudes are shitty to you and you feel like saying something along the lines of “they wouldn’t treat me like that if i had a dick” maybe you could think about how ladies who do have dicks get treated and maybe, y’know, don’t say that? and maybe, y’know, don’t line up behind people who do say that? kay?