I don’t want people who have been sexually harassed to feel like they’ll be met with suspicion when they share with me.
I don’t want to replicate the societal valuing of rapists and code it as “rights”.
I want those who are survivors, like me, to know that their words are valued and that their pain and struggle is being taken seriously, that I’m not the 100th person to tell them that they’re being hysterical or that I need to see a full rape kit and see video of the actual harassment to believe them, because I know that proof of rape and harassment is so hard to come by.
If I support someone who says that they’ve been raped or sexually harassed and they actually haven’t - fine. I’m okay with that because the alternative is sending a message to all of the people who have been assaulted.
Skepticism is saying “I don’t trust you.”
Skepticism is saying “Your pain isn’t proof”
Skepticism is saying “Until I drag your personal history and account of the events through the mud, I am not satisfied.”
I am not willing to send those messages. By supporting any accusation of rape and sexual harassment, I know I am sending a message to rapists and harassers:
Run. Delete your online presence. Pull the covers over your head. There are people who know what you’ve done and are here to hold you accountable.
all of this
rape culture means we are expected to figure out whether or not you’re just kidding about raping us
You know the guy who “accidentally” rapes women? The acquaintance who “misreads” the situation and “goes too far”? The longtime friend who genuinely thought you had consented, and is shocked when you tell him that, no, it was rape? Well, we’re not going to take that guy’s bullshit anymore. Thomas MacAulay Millar over at the Yes Means Yes! blog has crunched the numbers on “undetected” acquaintance rapists to figure out who this “accidental rapist” actually is.
Thomas looks at a study of 1882 college students who were asked four questions to determine if they had ever raped (or attempted to rape) anyone:
1) Have you ever attempted unsuccessfully to have intercourse with an adult by force or threat of force?
2) Have you ever had sexual intercourse with someone who did not want you to because they were too intoxicated to resist?
3) Have you ever had intercourse with someone by force or threat of force?
4) Have you ever had oral intercourse with someone by force or threat of force?
Questions like these are bound to lead to underreporting—what guy is going to admit to forcing a girl to give him head? As it turns out, a lot of guys will admit to this, 120 to be exact: That’s six percent of the survey’s respondents who copped to either rape or attempted rape. Importantly, Thomas notes, the survey does not actually ask these guys if they’ve ever exactly “raped” anyone:
If a survey asks men, for example, if they ever “had sexual intercourse with someone, even though they did not want to, because they were too intoxicated (on alcohol or drugs) to resist your sexual advances,” some of them will say yes, as long as the questions don’t use the “R” word.
And they didn’t just admit to raping—they admitted toraping repeatedly (as long as it’s not really “rape,” of course!) According to the study, a small percentage of men are responsible for committing a large portion of sexual assaults—that’s a whole lot of “accidents,” “misreadings,” and “gray areas”:
Of the 120 rapists in the sample, 44 reported only one assault. The remaining 76 were repeat offenders. These 76 men, 63% of the rapists, committed 439 rapes or attempted rapes, an average of 5.8 each (median of 3, so there were some super-repeat offenders in this group). Just 4% of the men surveyed committed over 400 attempted or completed rapes.
What does this mean about our “accidental” rapists?
a) The vast majority of acquaintance rapes are committed by the same people;
b) These people don’t see themselves as “rapists”;
c) They are, however, able recognize that they regularly threat, force, and intoxicate women in order to have sex with them.
Oops! There’s no “accident” here—these guys just deny, evade punishment, and repeat.
So, what do we do to stop these guys? Well, here’s a start: Let’s call them rapists. It’s not just rapists who fail to recognize these behaviors—threatening, forcing, incapacitating—as “real” rape. We all have to stop making excuses for calling a rapist a rapist—and doubting, minimizing, or lashing out against the people who do use that word. Women need to know that they can call their experiences “rape” and report them as crimes. They need to know that they can call their rapists “rapists,” even if the rapist is also someone’s “friend,” “acquaintance,” “co-worker,” “fraternity brother,” or “respected member of our community.” As Thomas says:
The men in your lives will tell you what they do. As long as the R word doesn’t get attached, rapists do self-report. The guy who says he sees a woman too drunk to know where she is as an opportunity is not joking. He’s telling you how he sees it. The guy who says, “bros before hos”, is asking you to make a pact.
The Pact. The social structure that allows the predators to hide in plain sight, to sit at the bar at the same table with everyone, take a target home, rape her, and stay in the same social circle because she can’t or won’t tell anyone, or because nobody does anything if she does. The pact to make excuses, to look for mitigation, to patch things over—to believe that what happens to our friends—what our friends do to our friends—is not (using Whoopi Goldberg’s pathetic apologetics) “rape-rape.”
… The rapists can’t be your friends, and if you are loyal to them even when faced with the evidence of what they do, you are complicit.
That last point is an important one. People who excuse rapists usually see that equation from the other end: “He’s my friend, so he can’t be a rapist.” We need to reverse that equation—”He’s a rapist, so he can’t be my friend.” Perhaps them we could begin addressing why the dictionary definition of rape is overlooked—threatening, forcing, and incapacitating for sex—in our to avoid applying the word—”rapist”—to anyone we know.
I didn’t write this so here’s the source
there are actual people out there who think that complaining about being sexually harassed is the same damn thing as bragging about one’s body
see also: rape culture
Content Warning: rape culture
Chapter One: Fitted To Bear
Fandom: Avatar: the Last Airbender
Word Count: 1,391
Chapter Rating: T
Story Rating: T
Story Summary: Three times Aang’s kids cried, and one time they didn’t.
Notes: Favorite of the three chapters I’ve done so far but that might change once I fine tune chapter three.
ii. when she could feel her heart cracking
otherwise why did you go on the date? he didn’t do it to spend time with you, you’re a shrill dullard. he doesn’t give a shit about your AA hire career, he actually earned his position. he went on the date because he wants sex. you went on the date because you’re a conceited gold digger.
the revolution is coming ladies, less and less men are putting up with your intolerable behavior and hysterics. you brought this on yourselves, don’t blame me for pointing it out. you poisoned the waters, and men aren’t drinking from them anymore.
I’ve seen this getting reblogged, but not with the full text, so here it is in all of its ignorant misogynist glory.
Basically this is how rapists think. You believe a woman owes her body to you because you coughed up $30 for entrees and drinks. You believe there are any circumstances under which a woman is required to have sex with you.
This is why I hate and distrust all men’s right’s activists. Because this is their core belief: women are just dull conceited shrill hysterical banshees trying to manipulate hard-working honest men for their moniez and sperm.
Sometimes women go on dates to have sex too. But sometimes we want to get to know a guy (or girl, or other person) a bit more first. Sometimes people are looking for love. Or love AND sex. Sometimes you buy us dinner and YOU are dull and conceited and have heinously oppressive political views, and maybe we would have slept with you if you weren’t awful, but you are, and we don’t owe you sex EVER.
I managed to go on plenty of dates and get married, even with my feminazi bonerkiller man-eating ways. Ladies (and everyone else too): do NOT settle for an asshole like this. Under no circumstances do you owe anyone your body. There are worthy people out there who are capable of forming human relationships without demeaning all women and then pulling a “don’t blame me, I’m just sayin!!!” cop-out.
Reblogging for awesome commentary. Emphasis mine.
the OP is an utter piece of shit.
yes to everything else.
fuck ‘men’s right activists’, the entire lot of you
OP needs to be castrated and thrown into a lake to drown. Fucking rapist.
Totally loving how NO ONE has trigger warned this for rape before me but hey ho. (sarcasm).
”he bought you dinner, you do owe him sex. otherwise why did you go on the date?”
Let’s replace that with “you said yes to having sex with him, you owe him sex. otherwise why did you say yes?”
You have the right to say no to sex whenever you want/ask someone to stop what they’re doing to you, at any point. At NO point do you lose the right to govern your own body. None. Whatsoever. No matter what you’ve done/originally agreed to etc. OP shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near women, he is most probably a rapist.
Edited my own reblog to fix that slip. Except as a content warning but same effects.
Okay as far as I’ve understood this roundhouse kick at Wally is about him flirting all the time? since the Legend of Korras dude Bolin also flirts, but in a gentleman way? Right?
[cut has some gifs]
i’m really tired and angry so a lot of this may come off less coherent and more rude than i would like and for this i apologise
but heres the dealio
arguments like this fail to take into account:
- age is not an excuse
- “it’s normal” is not an excuse
- neither is “everyone does it”
- it’s “normal” for people to use “retarded” and “gay” as pejoratives but that doesn’t make it okay
- it’s “normal” for hollywood to whitewash things when they get film adaptations but that doesn’t make it okay
- wally has obviously been conditioned (like most other cis males his age) to think that behaving like he does around women is okay but that doesn’t mean it’s okay
- also i think there may have been a slight breakdown in communication here so let me make this quite apparent:
- this is not all about wally
- i like wally
- yes, he has flaws and behaves like a jerk sometimes
- but he is a fictional character and in fact the person he is harassing is a telekinetic telepathic shape-shifting martian superhero who could reduce him to a smear with very little effort
- HE IS NOT A THREAT TO HER
- HE NEVER WAS A THREAT TO HER
- unless he becomes evil and tries to set her on fire he will never be a threat to her!
- the fact that he did this to m’gann in complete innocence clearly demonstrates that he would do it to another girl in similarly complete innocence
- he’s not trying to be an asshole
- he’s not trying to threaten or intimidate her
- he does mean well
- but if he flirts aggressively and sexually with some random civilian and refuses to back off because she didn’t say no
- (because maybe saying no is hard sometimes when you’ve been taught all your life to just deal with it and it’s a compliment
- because maybe she’s heard horror stories about guys behaving even worse when you reject them outright
- because maybe a hundred million reasons that aren’t necessarily “she isn’t bothered by it”)
- THAT IS DEFINITELY A PROBLEM
- HOW ‘WELL’ HE MEANS WILL NOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT THE GIRL IS GOING TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE
- HOW YOUNG HE IS WILL NOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT THE GIRL IS GOING TO FEEL THREATENED
- he isn’t dropping creepy lines and constantly flirting with m’gann because he’s an asshole or because he knows she won’t have a problem with it
- he is doing all that shit because he genuinely thinks that this is a good life choice
- for fuck’s sake
- wally’s inability to deal with women respectfully is indeed realistic and it’s a good character flaw which IS addressed in-show and he’s never rewarded for his ridiculous behaviour AND I AM REALLY QUITE HAPPY ABOUT ALL OF THIS
- but when people defend his actions with a fiery passion
- and argue it forward and backward and always try to arrive at “it doesn’t matter because he has good intents”
- that is when i lose it
- because these exact same arguments are used to excuse sexual harassment in real life
- it’s when the BOYS WILL BE BOYS argument evolves from “he’ll be a creepy ass to you at 16” right up to “he won’t take no for an answer at 22”
- it’s when “if you really don’t like it you should say no more emphatically”
- it’s when street harassment is written off as just a form of flattery
- it’s called rape culture
- it all
- THIS ISN’T ALL ABOUT WALLY
- THIS IS PART OF A BIGGER ISSUE
- HOLY CRAP
AAAALL OF WHAT PHEONEE JUST SAID, SERIOUSLY, THANK YOU.
trigger warning: rape
When a girl tells you if you were the last man on earth she wouldn’t have sex with you, whisper: “Who would stop me?”. It shuts her up fast.
Meet Paul, y’all! I think this little aspiring rapist deserves to have his information and his photo included with this statement, don’t you?
trigger warning: rape
When a girl tells you if you were the last man on earth she wouldn’t have sex with you, whisper: “Who would stop me?”. It shuts her up fast.
If a man ever says that to you, ladies, look him dead in the eyes and say, “I would.” If you have a blade, a personal tazer, or any other purchased or self fashioned weapon, now would be the time to lay it on the table. It shuts misogynists up fast.
Children in a Minnesota elementary school were found to be playing a game of freeze tag which they had dubbed “rape tag.” Instead of “tagging” someone to unfreeze then, the kids were having to hump each other.
We live in a day and age where school children are now using rape as a playground game. Something seen as fun and funny to them.
I truly hope the adults, parents and teachers, work hard to get it through to these kids that rape is not a joke or a game.
This makes me sick.
This is the most disgusting thing I’ve heard all week.
this is fucking sick
A recent article from UniLad, a decently-sized online lad magazine with a fan base eager to support it. Fuck, that’s terrifying. (via cateematthews)
Oh my God, this is sickening
The whole Lad culture that this magazine promotes makes me SICK. How they attempt to pass off blatant misogyny and sexism as ‘banter’ again and again means some boys think it’s acceptable to make girls feel uncomfortable in somewhere where they should feel safe. People can say it doesn’t exist in universities but IT DOES and I’ve seen it with my own eyes
I want to die.
Reblogging again because it’s still one of the most horrifying things I’ve read this week.
I’m so angry I’m shaking
WHAT THE FUCK
I hate everyone
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
GET THE FUCK OUT
Trigger Warning: rape, rape culture, rape jokes To all those who don’t think the rape joke was a problem, or rape jokes are a problem.
I get it, you’re a decent guy. I can even believe it. You’ve never raped anybody. You would NEVER rape anybody. You’re upset that all these feminists are trying to accuse you of doing something or connect you to doing something that, as far as you’re concerned, you’ve never done and would never condone.
And they’ve told you about triggers, and PTSD, and how one in six women is a survivor, and you get it. You do. But you can’t let every time someone gets all upset get in the way of you having a good time, right?
So fine. If all those arguments aren’t going anything for you, let me tell you this. And I tell you this because I genuinely believe you mean it when you say you don’t want to hurt anybody, and you don’t see the harm, and that it’s important to you to do your best to be a decent and good person. And I genuinely believe you when you say you would never associate with a rapist and you think rape really is a very bad thing.
Because this is why I refuse to take rape jokes sitting down-
6% of college age men, slightly over 1 in 20, will admit to raping someone in anonymous surveys, as long as the word “rape” isn’t used in the description of the act.
6% of Penny Arcade’s target demographic will admit to actually being rapists when asked.
A lot of people accuse feminists of thinking that all men are rapists. That’s not true. But do you know who think all men are rapists?
They really do. In psychological study, the profiling, the studies, it comes out again and again.
Virtually all rapists genuinely believe that all men rape, and other men just keep it hushed up better. And more, these people who really are rapists are constantly reaffirmed in their belief about the rest of mankind being rapists like them by things like rape jokes, that dismiss and normalize the idea of rape.
If one in twenty guys is a real and true rapist, and you have any amount of social activity with other guys like yourself, really cool guy, then it is almost a statistical certainty that one time hanging out with friends and their friends, playing Halo with a bunch of guys online, in a WoW guild, or elsewhere, you were talking to a rapist. Not your fault. You can’t tell a rapist apart any better than anyone else can. It’s not like they announce themselves.
But, here’s the thing. It’s very likely that in some of these interactions with these guys, at some point or another someone told a rape joke. You, decent guy that you are, understood that they didn’t mean it, and it was just a joke. And so you laughed.
And, decent guy who would never condone rape, who would step in and stop rape if he saw it, who understands that rape is awful and wrong and bad, when you laughed?
That rapist who was in the group with you, that rapist thought that you were on his side. That rapist knew that you were a rapist like him. And he felt validated, and he felt he was among his comrades.
You. The rapist’s comrade.
And if that doesn’t make you feel sick to your stomach, if that doesn’t make you want to throw up, if that doesn’t disturb you or bother you or make you feel like maybe you should at least consider not participating in that kind of humor anymore…
Well, maybe you aren’t as opposed to rapists as you claim.
This is the article I send to people who don’t see the problem with rape jokes.
This is the most disturbing because-it-could-happen thought to cross my mind.